Setting the Table

A practice for cultivating young people's understanding of their inherent worth, and transcendence, as it begins to grow in two schools.

Through Dr. Lisa Miller and the Center for Spirituality in Education, I participated in last year's Awakened Schools Institute, and learned a practice I remember as "setting the table".  Let me describe it as best I can; as you read, I invite you to take time and participate.

Setting the Table

First, imagine a table set before you. Perhaps it's the table that you're sitting at now, or one you've purposely and lovingly set in anticipation. Second, imagine that you've invited people to sit at the table who have your best interest at heart. These could be real people, living or passed. Perhaps you can pick people from literature - as long as you feel like they could really know you and have your best interest at heart. Perhaps you can imagine them entering and having a seat. Notice who you've invited. Notice what it feels like to have these people before you. Third, as you settle in to their company, consider what's important to you today, what's weighing on you. Is something challenging? Do you have a question? A hard task at hand? Do you need inspiration or comfort or guidance? Fourth, listen. Listen to what the people you've invited have to say. What answer or advice do they give you? Take time. One by one. Listen. And lastly, when you all are done, thank them, and let them go.

What's happening here?

I think this practice ties to some of the elements of spirituality I've written about before. This practice reminds us we have inherent worth - we deserve people's attention, and deserve to have others concerned with our best interests. This practice reminds us of things transcendent. Beyond us, there are all the people we know, some of whom have our best interest at heart. Beyond the present is our past. Beyond the physical are all the connections that endure - whether you feel that people's spirits exist and visit you at the table, or recognize the people you know live on in your mind and heart. This practice reminds us also that we are held, in love, and in caring relationships.

In two schools

I was inspired and shared this practice with teachers at SBAAM, a middle school in the Bronx, as they evolved their implementation of scholar-led data conferences. When they first introduced scholar led data conferences years ago, teachers shared scholars' formal assessment data with them, indicated how many points students were from the next level on the test, and talked with scholars about how they could improve their score on the next administration. Over time, the school shifted from an achievement mindset to exhibit more of a growth mindset; they asked scholars to look at their data, reflect on their growth, and what might support their continued growth. They asked what feedback they'd received from teachers and what was helpful. They asked scholars to pick pieces of work they were proud of, and to explain why they were proud of those pieces. This year, based on our conversations, they added a prompt, for each scholar to think about adults in their lives, who have their best interest at heart.

I also shared the practice with my friend Charles, who teaches high school English in Ohio. He was already developing prompts to engage students at the start of class, and included a few tied to this idea that each of us has a group of people who have our best interest at heart.  He asked one class, "Who's on your team? Who cares about your growth and success? Who supports you to be your best self? How?" He asked another class to go through the exercise of imagining a table, like with the prompts above, to list people who would be at the table, and to write out the advice they might give.

Regardless of the answers they generate, the questions reinforce the premise that students have inherent worth as human beings, that they are cared for, that there are people who have their best interest at heart.

What did we see?

While we're still looking at the responses, a couple of things are clear.

A few students - very few students - struggled or did not answer the questions. Now, there might be a lot of reasons for them not to do so, but it seems important to circle back to these students. If nothing else, they should know that we believe they have inherent worth as human beings, and we care enough about them, their growth, and success - we have their best interest at heart - such that we want to follow up with them individually.

Most students wrote about family members and teachers. Perhaps there is something to the prompts or context that this was done in school. In addition, many students wrote about a 'soulmate' friend.

Most students recognized that those who have their best interest at heart help them - with homework, or problems - or lift them up when they're down. Some recognized that people who have their best interest at heart also push them - to do better, to "go harder", to be their best selves.

A handful recognized that those who have their best interest at heart see them not only for who they are now, but for who they will be some day. One of the high school students wrote that her aunt and mother "want me to be my best self, by keeping me away from negativity". Another wrote about their dad that he "is the one who cared about my success … [and] supports everything I do and wanna be in life." One of the middle schoolers who wants to be a stylist and brand ambassador when she grows up said that her aunt encouraged her to begin posting on social media, so that she gets practice and people start to see her fits. 

When I asked the middle schoolers about what they wrote, they all smiled. As they talked about their family, teachers, and friends who they'd written about, the smiles grew across their faces. They lit up a bit. When I shared that observation with them, I encouraged them to think of these people whenever they need that little dose of happiness.

The exercise provides some important data for teachers - about the child or young adult and their sense of self, about their values, and who teachers might partner with to support each child.

The exercise also raises a  lot of questions for me about how we can connect children and young adults more regularly with the people who have their best interest at heart. Can we design tasks that encourage the students to talk with these people and share these other people's experiences, understandings, and perspectives as part of the task? Can we have the young people write for this audience? Can we invite these people into the school and encourage them to attend presentations, roundtables, "parent-teacher" conferences, or performances?

It's clear our students have these people in their lives; it's not clear we ever make them a part of the child's experience in school.

What's next?

There's much more to do with all of this. There's an opportunity to learn from students' responses, refine the questions, and attend to the vocabulary they use. Perhaps we can distill categories or a taxonomy of their answers. Maybe we can use the vocabulary and categories to help students understand more clearly and deeply that they have inherent worth and they are cared for. Maybe we can use this to inform curriculum, assignments, and family / community partnerships.

For now, I'm happy to share, and engage in efforts to develop these practices this summer and into next year. If you're interested in joining in this work and exploration, let me know. Together, we'll explore the practices - generating up these prompts, learning from young people's responses, and using this valuable data to cultivate self-worth, relationships, and spirituality. 

Please let me know if there are other ways you have used or imagine using the ideas here.

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