All you need

How love transforms worlds

As each former student spoke at her retirement party and recounted stories illustrating the impact Lydia had on their lives, they repeated the same word. 

Love.

"Lydia said she loved me. And for me that was a big deal because my mother never did. Thank you for being my mom when I needed it the most."  One former student remembered the first time she got her nails done was with Lydia.

"She told me she loved me. She said, 'I believe in you. I'm not gonna give up on you.'" This former student asked if Lydia remembered the young woman's little lipsticks and purse. "Of course!" And then Lydia told a story about the purse, about how, one day, Lydia asked the young woman for her homework, and the young woman pulled out a piece of paper that had been folded in on itself 15 times, and stuffed into that little purse, and how Lydia told the young woman she was happy to have her homework, but in the future she'd have to do better. Lydia taught that young woman to have higher expectations, to expect more from herself than anyone had expected of her before.

Another former student talked about the way Lydia's love manifest as additional math classes. He had disrespected her. But she pulled him closer. "When I didn't deserve to be respected, you said you'd work with me on math, one on one." LC confronted disrespect with love, giving her time, and committing to the student's success. LC shared her passion for math and, inviting the student to love it, he loved it, too. She introduced him to a new way of thinking about the world. What was meaningful and important to her became meaningful and important to him, too.

Still another former student said, "LC showed me love, and taught me not only that it was ok to be loved, but that it was ok to be loved the right way." A number of former students said how important she was not only to embracing their adolescent selves and guiding their growing up, but informing the partners and parents they'd become.

These were middle and high school students back to the 1990s. Now one is a judge, another is a paraprofessional working in a school, a third runs an international non-profit. Many consider LC a mom, or aunt to them or their kids.

For each and every one of them - their lives were transformed, their worlds were transformed; our shared world was transformed because of the ways in which LC helped them see their intrinsic value and the power of love.

Hearing from so many former students, you could see a pattern, a need. I think it was LC's husband who said, "No one loves our kids. Our job is to love them, even when they don't love themselves." 

The lesson was clear. "You want [young people] to read? Love them! You want them to do better in math? Love them! You want them to graduate from college? Love them!"

Now, I don’t write to laud or praise. LC had quite enough of that. And she doesn't like being the center of attention. With this blog, I don't want to just tell stories.

I'm interested in practices and strategies we can use in schools to cultivate spirituality. I want to share best practices, and create a community of professionals implementing these strategies.

Specifically, I want to highlight the practices and strategies Lydia used to cultivate young people's understanding that they have inherent value, and that we live in a field of love.

What did she do?

What can you do?

She said, "I love you."

She said it again.
She said it when it was hard but needed to be heard.

She modeled loving respect, neither granting nor demanding respect borne out of fear, but out of love for young people and a recognition of each one’s humanity. She modeled

She recognized the individuals and their strengths. She met student where they really were, even if they were really behind where the system said students their age or grade should be. And she worked with them to help them catch up and excel.

She gave her time. In class, during the school day, and outside of the 180, 6 and a third.

And when she became an administrator, she worked ceaselessly, facing whatever problems with the same question: "What can we do?" What can we do to ensure that we give kids what they need and more so? What can we do to ensure this school is good enough for my own two biological kids because these kids deserve no less.

I am fortunate to have many friends and family members who are wonderful people and wonderful educators. I've worked with even more. But there are really only two people I can think of who communicated a powerful and limitless love so purely, and cultivated love in their relationships with young people. One - Rabbi Walter Shuchatowitz, z"l, the founding principal of Bi-Cultural Day School, who took a chance on me, offering me a teaching job when I had just graduated college, and encouraged me early in my career to pay attention to the children. And the other - Lydia Colon Bomani, who I was lucky enough to work with when she was the Principal at Brooklyn Generation. We did good work together, with Louis and Nora and others, that informs and animates the work I still do with schools.

What about you?

• Who are the professionals you know who communicate love so clearly and powerfully?

• How do you communicate love to your students? What stands in the way? What could help you to express it more consistently?

• How do you make sure you're meeting students where they are socially and emotionally, and giving them what they need to catch up socially and emotionally.

• Where do you make room - in your academic classes and beyond - to show young people the love that is so foundational to their success.

Please add the names of those whose you’re thinking about. Let’s recognize and celebrate them here. And please add to the conversation about the practices and strategies cultivate love and transformation.

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